There are a growing number of articles out there for folks new to anal play. These pieces provide necessary introductory information like communicating with your partner, don’t clench, and stop if anything feels painful.
While this is fantastic, I’ve noticed there are hardly any articles dedicated to folks who have been the bottom (anal receptive partner) before, enjoyed it, but what to step their bussy up. It’s all intro 101 tips! What about all the men, women, and non-binary cuties out there who know how to douche and take a penis or dildo but want to become a power bottom or reach porn star status? Folks who want to take their bottoming skills from a B+ to an A+? Where’s the info for them?
Well, since I saw this huge gaping hole in the literature, I figured I’d do what I do best and fill that hole. (Just ask any queer man on Grindr in Brooklyn!) I reached out to a power bottom, sex educator, and anal surgeon to learn how to best improve your bottoming game. Here’s what the experts had to say.
If you want to be able to take a big ol’ dick or a thick nine-inch dildo, you’re going to have to train your anus. If you’re somehow landed here by mistake, you’ll want to start off with an anal massage or some anal fingering before you build your way up to partnered penetration.
Even if you plan on taking a more manageable “boyfriend dick,” you still need to train if you want to have long, hard, and deep sessions. “Invest in a training kit or dildo (with a base) and work your way up to that desired girth,” says Dr. Evan Goldstein, anal surgeon & co-founder of Future Method. (I recommend the b-Vibe Anal Training Kit and Education Set.) “Toys are the best way to toughen and stretch the skin, all the while training your muscles to fully relax,” he says. “Using these dilators, in a very controlled way, will minimize the chance of tearing or injury” and allow you to take much more when with a partner.
Use a sex pillow.
Common belief says that doggy style is THE anal sex position. Don’t get me wrong, I love me some good doggy style, but there are so many more positions to try while having anal sex. Queer sex educator and journalist Gabrielle Kassel recommends lifted missionary, where you utilize a pillow (like the Liberator Ramp or Liberator Wedge).
“Lifted missionary puts the bottom on their back with a sex pillow under their hips, and the top between their legs,” she says. This face-to-face position is perfect for anal sex-havers craving more intimacy, eye contact, and kissing during their play. “Plus, by lifting the bottom’s hips, the top has easier (and deeper!) access to their hole, meaning you don’t have to sacrifice depth.”
MASTER: The 10 best positions for anal sex!
Use thick, anal-specific lubes.
If you’re going for distance over speed, consider a thicker, jelly-like lubricant. Check out b-Vibe’s Sensual Care section for the best anal lubes & accessories.
“While traditional water and silicone-based lubes are great for vaginal sex and masturbation, extended play in your anus requires lube made for bottoming,” says Daniel Saynt, founder & chief conspirator of The New Society for Wellness (NSFW) a private members sex club in NYC. “Boy Butter and Gun Oil both have products made for anal play, which are great for sex which may last for hours. Also, consider a CBD-based lubricant, which will help with inflammation and may help reduce the risk of anal fissures—small tears which can form in your anal canal—from rougher play or not applying enough lube.”
RELATED: Learn how to use coconut oil as lube!
Over-douching is an epidemic, and often, more experienced bottoms think it’s better to douche more because that way, they will get cleaner. However, “the best is to truly understand that less is more when it comes to douching,” Goldstein explains. “So many power bottoms over-douche, causing rectal and anal irritation, even before they’re penetrated; this increases their risk of STIs, trauma, and worse yet, having to stop bottoming altogether,” he says. “An improved diet, fiber supplementation, exercise, and more whole body/gut health is paramount to being successful as a power bottom.”
So when you douche, only use one or two tiny bulbs (three ounces of water). The thing is, you just want to clean out your rectum and not your lower intestines. If you douche too much or too hard, you’ll accidentally end up hitting your lower intestines. That’s when an avalanche of poop comes out and forces you to keep douching for another 45 minutes. Don’t do that!
Engage in anal aftercare.
Most folks prepare for anal, and they know what they want to do while having anal sex, but the moment it’s over, they’re done! They don’t engage in any anal aftercare. But if you plan on having anal sex more frequently, you need to care for your booty so you can keep taking dicks and dildos. “Bottoming puts a lot of pressure on the skin and muscle in the anal region,” Goldstein says. That’s why it’s so important to give your booty the TLC it deserves in between sessions. “Great tools to add to your post-sex routine are suppositories (both with and without CBD), Epsom salt baths, and Advil or Motrin (for inflammation).” Remember, aftercare is just as important as preparation if you’re trying to up your bottom game and bottom more consistently!