Are you thinking of trying anal? Do you have no idea what you’re doing? Are you a little mad that the anxiety around it makes your hole pucker, when that’s the exact opposite of what you’re trying to achieve?!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Or maybe you just want to read the thoughts of other brave folks who came to me as their trusted ASSvisor when they were new to the booty realm? If you answered “yes” to any of those, you’ve come to the right place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My name is Kim, and they called me Anal Kim back in PA, where I got my start in the pleasure product world. I currently work as Sales Director for a group of four brands, one of which is a specialty brand devoted to anal products. Before that, I worked in retail shops for over 13 years, and no matter who walked through the doors, they all had one thing in common: they all had buttholes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
And most of them wanted to put something in them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yeah, listen, you’re the one who found this article. I’m just here to help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So what did people want to know? The people who were brand spankin’ new, what did they ask? What were they afraid of? Did they even want to do this?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I’ll tell you, one of the most common scenarios I witnessed was a cis hetero couple shopping for a butt plug to get her ready for him. And it was often the dude doing the talking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When this happened, the first thing I would do is talk to her. There’s a polite way of redirecting to the, ahem, recipient of the plug. After all, it’s her butt. As much as I loved seeing couples shopping together, there were times when one person was clearly being pressured into the situation, and that told me the trip was premature.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Shopping for sex toys with a partner is amazing, as long as both partners are ready.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When the recipient was willing and excited for the journey, I heard this nearly every day:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Where is your numbing cream?”<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n “Oh. No. Nope. No. I mean, we have it, yeah. But I’d advise you don’t go that route. Have you used it before?”<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n They hadn’t. Typically, they hadn’t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n At this point I would explain the potential complications of using a numbing cream. The easiest way to explain it is to bring up the dentist. When you get a shot of Novocain, let’s say you bite your lip but don’t feel it. Great! Until later…<\/p>\n\n\n\n Not only will a cream like that dull your body’s response to potential harm, it may also transfer, desensitizing whatever sensitive areas it comes into contact with. Not great.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I would talk every person out of the numbing cream, even if they had used it before, because anal play is not supposed to hurt, so if it does, that’s a good signal to slow down, pause, or stop. Pain doesn’t necessarily mean irreversible damage has been done, but it does suggest we should take a beat. Maybe downsize to something smaller, apply more lube, or take a break and drink some water. It helps to listen to your body, and if it’s numb, it can’t speak up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You can imagine how this would inevitably lead to another very popular question:<\/p>\n\n\n\n “But… what if it does hurt?”<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n “If it’s done properly, it really shouldn’t.”<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Because that’s true. Anal play is not supposed to hurt. It’s not supposed to be unpleasant, and while it might be slightly uncomfortable at first, that’s only because it’s unfamiliar. Done correctly, anal play can be a phenomenal addition to the sex menu. Many people find new orgasms through anal play, either as an added sensation or as a whole-body, anal-penetration-induced ORGASM.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I would find myself encouraging people to explore their own hole before inviting another person into the mix. You’re playing with a whole new part of your body! It’s literally discovery, and that should take time, effort, patience, and curiosity. When you explore on your own, there’s no pressure, no stakes, and no judgment. You get to go at your own pace and learn what works for you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So I would prescribe alone time, a small, seamless, body-safe beginner butt plug<\/a> (just bigger than your own finger), and an excellent lube! Always lube. If nothing else, lube. Lube! Lube! Lube!<\/p>\n\n\n\n This next question was often whispered or asked at a more hushed volume:<\/p>\n\n\n\n “…What about poop?”<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n “Everybody poops.”<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n They do. We do. You do, I do. That’s what we do. And, yeah, it’s a private matter, typically. When we’re used to our butts being EXIT ONLY, it’s a challenge to consider they may work for more than that. But rest assured, the body is not constantly about to evacuate. Unless it’s “time to go,” you probably have little to worry about.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Also, and here’s the part people don’t love, there might be some poop. It’s not always the case, especially for folks with very healthy digestive systems, but there could be a little residue from your last bowel movement. If it helps, prep with a soapy finger, and you can discover how your body behaves during solo anal adventure time! And always keep some wipes by the bed, or the couch, or the dining room table, wherever this is happening, just in case.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It’s not necessary to use an enema. It’s just not. But if it would make you more comfortable, the rule of thumb is to use a douche or enema<\/a> with drinkable water at body temperature, douche directly over the toilet, and wait 30 to 60 minutes afterwards before penetration, so all the water comes out clean. Our anal hygiene guide<\/a> covers prep in more detail.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So many people have so many questions when it comes to anal, and so many of those questions are the same. The best cure for anal play anxiety is knowledge. Knowledge is power, and there is no power bottom without power, so here’s a 4-week confidence plan for anyone who hasn’t worked up the courage to walk into a sex toy store… YET.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Arm yourself with a good anal lubricant<\/a>. That’s it. That’s the plan. Well, that’s the recipe. All you need, at first, is lube. Your booty doesn’t self-lubricate the way a vagina can, so lube should always be used.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Start with a finger by incorporating it into your usual masturbation. You can try a finger during masturbation or even after you climax: the body relaxes after orgasm, and it can be easier to penetrate anally with that natural relaxant behind you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Once you’re comfortable with a finger, upgrade to one of our beginner anal toys<\/a>: a butt plug whose widest part is bigger than your finger. This is also a good time to play with positioning. Many first-timers find it best to be on top, so they have total control over the depth and speed of penetration.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A great first butt plug is the b-Vibe Beginner’s Vibrating Butt Plug<\/a>. I love it because the tip is super slender and widens to a more bulbous center very gradually. The suction base is great for mounting, and you can use it without vibration at first, then with vibration when your body is ready, like many vibrating butt plugs<\/a>. I’d also recommend the 3-Piece Anal Training Kit<\/a>, which offers three plug sizes, all with suction bases.<\/p>\n\n\n“But What If It Does Hurt?”<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Explore Solo First<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
“…What About Poop?”<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Do You Need an Enema?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Your 4-Week Anal Confidence Plan<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Week One: Sliding Solo<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Week Two: Plugging Along<\/h3>\n\n\n\n