Ass Me Anything: Disappearing Butt Plugs!

Welcome back to #AssMeAnything, the place where all butt-related questions and queries are tackled with sex-positivity and shame-free advice. My name is Alexander Cheves — I write about sex, kink, porn, and all sorts of delightful things. Without further ado, let's dive into this month's questions.

Hi, I'm into electro estim using medium to large estim butt plugs. My goal is to induce HFO (hands-free orgasming). I always clean out and was wondering if there is anything else I can do to go deeper, I've used Mr. Hankey big toys to open myself before and after. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. — Pumperthick2014

Hi, Pumperthick2014. I'm not sure I fully understand the question. Do you want to go deeper with a toy or plug? Do you want to experience the E-stim sensation deeper? Or are you simply asking how to clean out deeper? Since I can't tell which one you're asking, I'll try to summarily answer all three.

How to go deeper with a toy or plug: Most people have a natural depth threshold — typically the second sphincter (the infamous "second hole" some hung gay porn stars brag about hitting) — at which an inserted object becomes uncomfortable. You'll feel a kind of dull pain or pressure that feels deep, especially if the object (penis, toy, whatever) is not much longer than your second hole and doesn't stay in your second chamber but repeatedly hits its outer sphincter. The only way to train for depth, at least that I know of, is with depth training toys and going VERY SLOWLY. Mr. Hankey's is famous for its XXL dildos, but my personal recommendation for depth toys is the called the Slink and is made by SquarePeg (it comes in a range of sizes, so start small and work your way up). Depth toys should be think, extremely soft, snake-like insertables that can be gently pushed deeper, ideally with a partner. The risk with depth toys is that the body loses nerve endings at around 8-10 inches inside the rectum, which means that once toys pass that threshold, you can't actually feel where they are — you will simply feel a vague sense of fullness — and, more importantly, you can't feel if you get hurt. My personal feeling is that depth is overrated as it physically can't feel better than staying "shallow". That doesn't mean you shouldn't pursue it, and some people LOVE depth training and depth toys. Just be safe and go slow!

How to feel E-stim deeper: E-stim depth toys exist!

How to clean deeper: A fisting educator once gave me a comprehensive lesson on douching and I still go by his rules. He said that you either do a "shallow" clean, which should last no more than 15-20 minutes, or a deep clean, which takes between 1 and 1.5 hours. Unless you're doing depth play, there's no need to do a deep clean, and nobody needs to do a deep clean for regular anal sex (or for most kinds of toy play). That said, if you want to clean for depth, you'll need to do something closer to a colonic: you slowly, gently fill yourself up with water — some guys count for around 35 seconds, others longer, and some even do actual enemas, which take even more time. For all kinds of douching, folks disagree about whether or not you should hold the water inside you or not (with enemas, you are generally encouraged to try to hold the water in for about 5 minutes, but you should stay near a toilet in case you have to release sooner). I admit here that I never do deep cleaning because it's not necessary for what I do, so I'm not the expert at it. Unless you're using very deep toys, you don't need to become a master at deep cleaning. And if you do want to go deep, I'd encourage you to find an experienced toy playmate and ask your ass-play community for douching tips. Everyone's piping is different, so all douching regimens are different, and it's best to get a lot of different recommendations and regimens so you sample them and find which one works best.

Hello, I wanted to ask if it is "normal" that most butt plugs seem to wish to disappear inside, despite having an "anchor"? I worry so much, I basically attach a small rope to them in case they would slip in too far. — Boris

Hi Boris. The flared base that most plugs have — what you call an "anchor — is designed to keep the butt plug from sliding inside you. Flared bases keep you safe. Emergency Rooms across the United States have to surgically remove objects stuck in peoples' rectums, and a butt plug that slides all the way in — flared base and all — is certainly at risk of getting stuck, causing serious injury, and requiring an ER visit. So, no, it's not normal to have a butt plug slide all the way in. Do two things: first, buy plugs with a large flared base, as I've had some plugs with tiny flared bases or "anchors" accidentally slide all the way in because the bases were not big enough; and, second, buy bigger plugs. If the plugs you're taking seem naturally go all the way in, congrats, you're ready to go bigger!

How can I be sure a potential top is disease-free? HIV, HPV, and even herpes make the risk too great to "venture forth" with a submissive bottom fantasy. — JizztAssking

Hi JizztAssking. You are — to my knowledge —  not a doctor and cannot perform blood and urine tests on people you want to have sex with, so there is no way to know ahead of time if someone has a sexually transmitted infection (STI) or sexually transmitted disease (STD) — unless, of course, they get tested and you wait a week or two to see their results before having sex. Few people, in my experience, are willing to do that; instead, we accept the fact that some responsibility falls on us to protect ourselves, and we use condoms or take PrEP (a daily pill that prevents HIV transmission) to practice safe sex.

HPV and herpes are the two most common sexually transmitted infections in the world and if you've been sexually active for a few years, you probably already have some strains of HPV and may even have herpes as well. Millions of people all over the world have these infections and never experience any symptoms — they go their whole lives without knowing they have them. HPV and herpes are, in most cases, so benign that they aren't even included on a standard comprehensive STI testing panel. That said, HPV can cause cervical cancer and rectal cancer, so it's highly recommended that every single sexually active person receive the three-part Gardasil vaccine, which vaccinates against cancer-assoicated strains of HPV. And if you enjoy lots of anal sex, you should get anal pap tests once a year to check for pre-cancerous cells in your rectum, which can be easily removed and therefore prevent rectal and colon cancer.

No sex is risk-free, and condoms do not prevent things like herpes. This is why you should get full-range STI testing at least every three months — an important part of being a successful and responsible slut.