If your partner says no to anal play
It can be disappointing if your partner decides that they don't want to try anal play. That feeling is understandable, and it's essential not to let that damage your relationship.
If your partner isn't into anal sex, do your best not to pressure them or try to convince them to change their mind. That's far more likely to cause problems than improve things. The best thing you can do is thank your partner for being honest with you about what they want.
The best thing you can do is thank your partner for being honest with you about what they want. You can also ask them to tell you what makes them not want to try it. There might be some middle-ground for you to compromise. For example, if your partner says that they’ve tried anal sex and it hurt, you can let them know that you’re also interested in exploring external touch, without any penetration. You can practice anal training (hint: see below), or guide them to our anal play advice section.
If your partner has a firm limit around anal play, the best thing to do is accept that and look for other ways to enjoy sex together. Remember, there are lots of ways to have sex, and anal play is only one option.
If your partner says yes to anal!
Congrats! You and your partner are one step closer to experiencing the joys of anal play. However, there are still a few more things to talk about first. Here are some questions to ask them:
• “Have you done anal before?”
• “Have you ever used anal toys?” (Check out our ginormous guide on anal toys.)
• “What is it about anal play that you enjoy (or are curious about)?”
These simple questions will give you some useful info about your partner’s desires. For example, if anal play turns them on because it feels taboo to them, that’s different from enjoying it because of the physical sensations. The more you know about why your partner wants to have anal sex, the more you can create an experience that will leave you both smiling.