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Guide to Anal Gaping and Stretching

Open Sesame! A Doctor’s Guide to Anal Gaping

Last Updated: Nov 16, 2023 / By Bobby Box

Simply put, anal gaping is the ability to open the anus for an extended period of time. But what are the advantages of doing this and how can we do it safely? Bobby Box spoke to Dr. Evan Goldstein on how to gape and open your Cave of Wonders wider than ever in this 301 edition of the Queeries.

Gaping is an impressive feat. It's a cavernous symbol that a bottom has reached peak relaxation. The hole has become so comfortable after repeated stretching and massaging that it's molded to the shape of the cock or toy that's just been removed. A gaping ass is a visual masterpiece that serves as bragging rights for the sexual artists who made it happen.

I'm not exaggerating when I say that gaping is an art since only about one-third of the bottoming population can gape without effort. The majority need time and training to produce this type of prowess.

To assist in these efforts, I spoke with my favorite booty doc, Dr. Evan Goldstein, CEO at Bespoke Surgical, and co-founder of Future Method, for all the information one could possibly want to know about their gaping hole.


Simply put, anal gaping is the ability to open the anus for an extended period of time. It occurs when you've trained your pelvic floor to overcome its typical contractility, which provides a more open tunnel for safer, more satisfying anal sex. "Gaping means that someone is one with their hole," Goldstein says. "The key is understanding how to make the entire anal unit (the muscle, the skin, and the underlying tissue) stay open, with all three in unison."


As impressive as it is, anal gaping is a delicate balance of doing just enough to get the desired effect, but not too much where you impair function. Gaping can become an issue when you gape during non-sexual moments. This can result in anal leaking (be it gas, poop, or smearing) at inopportune times.

However, there are advantages that come with anal gaping, most of which boil down to reducing friction, which minimizes the risk of injuries and other unpleasant outcomes like fissures, hemorrhoids, and skin tags.

RELATED: The complete guide to anal sex with fissures!

"In an ideal world, you should be able to fully relax the pelvic floor and open up to receive during anal play, and then once you're done bottoming, the anal mechanism returns to its normal state and pressures," Goldstein says.


Some bottoms have a natural ability to open their anal sphincter on demand, like how some people can roll their tongues and others can't. Goldstein says a very small percentage of folks have this natural ability, whereas, for others, gaping requires training for anal sex, which Goldstein divides into two categories: passive and active.

What is passive anal gaping?

For passive folks, anal gaping can be achieved by gently dilating the anal sphincter with a finger, toy, penis, etc. until the "anal-protective-wink-reflex" (a colloquial term of Goldstein's meaning the sudden tightening of our anus) is no longer active. This reflex is our body's natural response to something entering our anus, as these muscles tense up as a means of protection.

Continue inserting the object into the anus slowly so you don't restart this reflex and gradually increase the speed at which you withdraw the object. By repeating these motions, the relaxed anal sphincter will naturally start to stay open.

"The larger the object, the larger the gape," Goldstein adds. "And the more experienced the bottom, the better the gape."

What is active anal gaping?

Active anal gaping is a bit more involved and requires enlisting the help of a spinal reflex to open the anus. Goldstein says even for active gaping, it's best to begin as if you're preparing someone for passive anal gaping by gradually relaxing the anal sphincter and pelvic floor with a toy, penis, or finger. When completely relaxed, place the pads of your thumbs on each side of the sphincter, then quickly and gently separate your thumbs and the anus should gape in almost all cases.

"Combining the passive and active technique will get great results rather quickly," Goldstein says. "Once you have repeated success, it's important to get the bottom to register how the gape feels and what muscle activity is involved so they can reproduce the gape without the tactile input."


Here's a five-step guide on how to gape your ass.

1. Do what makes you relax prior

Gaping is about relaxing the anal muscles to the extreme, so a good way to start is to do something that relaxes you. Whether it's having a glass of wine, smoking a joint, or having a warm bubble bath. Get into the mood mentally before you start engaging with your hole physically.

2. Choose the right lube

Since gaping can require longer play sessions, many who engage like using oil-based (like coconut oil as lube) and silicone-based lubes, as they tend to last the longest. Some choose to combine lubes, starting with a thick layer of oil-based lube and adding more water-based lubricant during play to keep things extra slick.

3. Assume the position

Goldstein says that doggy-style is probably the best position to try anal and anal gaping as it changes the pelvic angle, which allows it to be truly open. In any position, however, he encourages you to tilt your pelvis to encourage fuller pelvic floor relaxation. Swivel those hips, and move them up and down, back and forth, get your body fully acquainted with whatever is in your ass. "Over time, the goal is to get yourself to gape regardless of the position you're in," Goldstein says.

4. Try glass dilators

Dilators are designed to stretch and gape the anal canal. The Glass Anal Dilator Set from b-Vibe has four individual dilators that you can comfortably work through during your journey.

b-Vibe Glass Anal Dilator Set for Anal Gaping
Glass anal dilator for gaping

Each plug is made from 100 percent borosilicate glass, which is fracture resistant and shatterproof. An added bonus is because these toys are made of translucent glass, these dilators offer an intimate visual of the inside of your hole, which can be incredibly arousing.

Anal stretchers and cones are another fantastic anal toy for gaping, and our mASSter's Anal Set comes with a cone that even lets you measure your gape's progress.

b-Vibe Anal Cone for Gaping and Stretching
Stretching cone from the b-Vibe mASSter's Anal Education Set for gaping

5. Find a skilled top

If you're looking to gape with a partner, it's important you choose wisely because, again, gaping takes time and you want to be able to relax. Pick a top who is educated, experienced, and is part of the process with you. Someone who starts with comfortable positions, someone who communicates throughout the process, and someone who only pushes forward when they're given consent to.


If, despite your best efforts, you still aren't able to gape, don't let it get you down. You could be rushing things, or your body might not be able to. It's perfectly fine and has no impact on your talents or tenacity as a bottom. It's more or less a fun party trick.

However obvious it may seem, pain and bleeding should never be part of the process, so if either occurs during your attempts to gape, stop what you're doing because you're pushing your body beyond its limits.

If you find that these limitations are preventing you from the desired outcome, physical therapy with or without anal botox and/or surgical techniques are available to provide the result you are looking for.


Mastered the art of ass gaping? Go one step further and experiment with our other popular 301 guides on anal fisting or double ass penetration.

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