What is euphoric sex? How do you have it? Sex expert Zachary Zane breaks down how your physical and emotional connection during sex can take your experience to explosive new limits!
When's the last time you had a euphoric sexual experience—one that ended in a toe-curing, full-body orgasm that made you feel like your soul had left your body?
It's probably been a moment.
Many of us—myself included—sometimes grow complacent when we're having sex. We get into a routine and simply go through the motions. We no longer explore new sexual positions, toys, or kinds in the bedroom. Instead, we rely on our old faithful sexual repertoire that we know will end in orgasm. (This is for solo masturbation too!)
I get why. Having euphoric sex takes work. It requires communication with your partner, patience, and a willingness to explore unfamiliar sexual ground.
But just as psychedelic drugs provide that sense of completeness and fulfillment, euphoric sex can do the same (without potentially harming your body). That's why it's worth it. There are also numerous mental and physical health benefits to experiencing Earth-shattering orgasms alone and with your partner.
For one, it can strengthen your emotional connection to your lover. I think most of us can recall a time when we've had incredible sex with a partner and immediately felt closer to them (or maybe even thought that we love them when we really didn't). This is due to oxytocin, often known as the "cuddle hormone," which is released during sex and orgasm, notes Medical News Today.
Second, research has shown that orgasms can help alleviate stress. Physical activity and having an orgasm releases endorphins, which are neurotransmitters that bring about positive feelings. That's why having sex can elevate your mood, too.
Third, having sex (along with some fantastic orgasms) can boost your immune system and help you sleep better. And these are just a FEW of the many benefits.
Here's the tea: You can't have euphoric sex with a partner if you don't know how to have euphoric sex solo (i.e., cum your face off while masturbating alone). Approach your own sexual experiences with the mindset of an intrepid explorer, stoked to transverse undiscovered terrains. Learn what type of touch you like and where. Do you prefer your clitoris stimulated in a clockwork motion or an up-down fashion? How do vibrations feel? Nipple play?
Is girth or length more important to you when it comes to having a prostate- or anal-induced orgasm? For penis-owners and folks with a prostate, it's likely girth, as the prostate is only 2-3 inches your anus and rests inward towards your gut.
For vulva-owners (yes, women can have anal orgasms too), it's still likely girth. You can stimulate the internal clitoris by reaching the so-called G-spot (on the front wall of the vagina) and A-spot (also on the front wall, but closer to the cervix) through anal penetration.
If you're entirely new to anal play, head on over here for some solo anal masturbation tips. If you're a pro, then step up your game by trying out b-Vibe's limited edition Tie-Dye Rimming Plug. It works with and without a remote and has six intensity levels with seven rotation patterns and six vibration patterns. With your explorer's cap still on, you can try out all the settings and see which one really hits the spot and leads to pure ecstasy.
Once you really know your body and have a sense of what turns you on, then you can start having euphoric sex with a partner. There are two additional components necessary to have mind-blowing sex: communication and trust. I know it may sound basic, but it's true, and often why it takes getting to know someone—and having sex a few times—before you can have euphoric sex.
Communication is crucial because it allows you to utilize everything you learned about yourself from solo sex. One of the most frustrating things I hear as a sex advice writer from (predominantly) straight woman is that they want their partners to somehow know what they like without saying a word. These women explain to me that they drop hints to their partners, but hints are not enough, especially for the majority of straight men. (No shade... but yeah.)
Say what you want clearly. Say it confidently. Say it without shame. It's also a great idea to engage in mutual masturbation with your partner. This allows you and your partner an opportunity to discuss and see what your partner likes. (I always love watching my partner masturbate. Yes, it turns me on, but I also get to see how they touch themselves, and then I can replicate that.)
It might feel slightly clinical the first couple of times, but it's a small price to pay to have countless sessions of euphoric sex afterward.
Trust is fundamental because you want to explore new things together and potentially push your boundaries. While you got to know yourself alone, there are still plenty of things you can only do with a partner. For example, spanking, role play, dirty talk, or breath play may be something you're interested in—or think you'll be interested in. You need a partner to try these things out.
You need to make sure that you trust your partner to listen and respect your boundaries when you explore together. How do you build trust? THROUGH COMMUNICATION. The two go hand-in-hand. So talk to your partner about your kinks, desires, and fantasies. Odds are, they likely have some kinks they've been too nervous to share with you, and when you open up, they will too. Who knows? You two may share a fetish.
Oh, and last but not least, don't be afraid to whip out sex toys and use them in the bedroom with your partner. No one should ever feel threatened by their partner using a sex toy. Sex toys simply enhance the experience. They don't replace you. Especially now, as we're social distancing and can't always be in the same room as our partner, it's ideal to use sex toys while FaceTiming our partners or attending a virtual sex party.
In case you're wondering, here's how I have euphoric sex.
I put in the vibrating XL snug plug while having vaginal sex with my partner. She still feels the vibrations even though it's in my rear end. That's when both she and I temporarily die, go to heaven, and experience euphoria.