Pleasurable anal play isn’t about stretching or forcing anything open. It's about the receiver being able to relax open. Here are some tips to make that easy.
Arousal makes it easier for the pelvic floor to relax. Before you go anywhere near your (or your partner’s) anus, start by getting turned on. Flirting, kissing, dirty talk, oral sex, intercourse, erotic massage, role play, spanking – begin by doing something you already enjoy. Don’t rush it. You’ll have a lot more fun if you ramp things up.
90% of successful anal play is in your hands. That doesn't mean that you need to spend 90% of your time on that. But if you can use your hands and fingers to warm yourself or your partner up, anything else you feel like doing will be a lot easier.
Although you won’t ever see anyone ask first in porn, it’s one of the most important things you can do to make anal play feel great. You want to keep your partner as relaxed and open as possible, and that’s not likely to happen if you surprise them with penetration.
Spend lots of time stimulating the outside before you even think of inserting a finger or toy. If it seems like they’re ready for it, the best way to be sure is to ask. Something as simple as, “do you want it?” while teasing the opening is a great approach. Or you can tell them that you’ll slide inside them as soon as they tell you they want it. Make it dirty talk, if that turns you both on, and sexual communication becomes sexy rather than a buzzkill.
If you want to help your anus relax, you can bear down. It’s the same motion you do when you go to the bathroom, but only about 25%. That causes the muscles to open up more easily. It might take some practice to be able to do that for more than a few seconds but stick with it.
Bodies are unpredictable, especially when we’re talking about anal play and relaxing. If you’ve had a stressful day, you might not be able to go there. That doesn't have to be a disaster. Work with what’s happening, rather than trying to make something else happen. The more you stress about it, the harder it is to relax.
If you or your partner aren’t up for penetration, that’s totally ok. There are plenty of fun ways to enjoy anal play without going inside. Focus on what feels good for you in this moment and remember – there’s always another chance to try again. It’ll be a lot more successful if you don't get worked up about anal play not going the way you hoped.
Don't use numbing creams for anal play. While they might seem helpful, they make it difficult to realize when you’re going faster than your body wants. That can set you up for hurting yourself without realizing it. It’s much safer, and a lot more fun, to learn how to enjoy anal play without them.
This week's topic is A Quickstart Guide to Pleasurable Anal Play.
Follow these links to read the rest of the series!
Part 1 - A Quickstart Guide to Pleasurable Anal Play
Part 2 – Breathe