It’s incredibly common for women to feel apprehensive about anal sex, and we don’t blame them. Sex expert Alicia Sinclair gives the ultimate 101 on anal play for women.
Sex educators regularly hear women share their story of first time anal. Generally, the story is something along the lines of feeling pressured into it by a boyfriend/ husband. Then with little education or preparation- and perhaps a few drinks to help battle the nervousness- a woman will allow her man to put his penis in her butt.
Sadly, this most likely hurts (a lot) and then due to this overall negative experience, it will not be something she’s ever interested in trying again. What a way to ruin anal play!
Ladies – it’s time to take anal play back as an experience for YOU to feel pleasure. We want to support you in your booty play journey and teach you a few tips and tricks to make the experience sexually pleasing for you and – if you decide you want to go there – for your partner to enjoy with you.
Butt play is different from vaginal sex and there will be sensations that you have not experienced before. You are now entering a territory that takes education, time, patience and LUBRICATION (LUBE! Use lots of it, and more of it).
Read on as b-Vibe founder Alicia Sinclair teaches us about how butt stuff feels for women, the basics of how to get started, and the answers to other common anal questions. Because, everyone has a butt that deserves pleasure, attention, and love.
Absolutely. A woman has around 8,000 sensory nerve endings in the clitoris. The clitoris is shaped like a wishbone and for many women, the clitoris extends all the way down to the anus.
Anal orgasms happen through indirect stimulation of the g-spot and a-spot, through the shared wall between the vagina and rectum.
It’s also worthwhile to mention that the forbidden/taboo appeal makes anal an intimate act and can be a massive turn on for both partners.
1. Get your brain on board.
There is a lot of misinformation, taboo, and stereotypes that can confuse and cause fear. And what’s the first thing your body (and butt) does when you’re scared? It tightens up. Which is no way to welcome in a penetrative object. Being mentally relaxed, well-educated and consensually excited to try anal is essential.
2. Get to know your fanny first.
Before partners get involved, go it alone. Massage the outside of your anus and maybe even dip the tip of your finger in your own bum while you’re alone in the shower.
Learn: An Illustrated Guide on How to Give an Anal Massage
3. Lube is your best friend.
The anus doesn’t self-lubricate like the vagina does and the butt’s tissues tend to be less elastic. This makes using a lubricant for every kind of anal play essential.
We suggest coconut oil for an anal massage with fingers or a water-based lubricant like System JO H2O for anal play with silicone products. Silicone lube works great for penetrative anal sex, glass sex toys, or stainless steel sex toys.
4. Slow and steady wins the race!
Try anal training first, to prepare your bum for inserting a penis or dildo. This is best done with several anal toys, graduating in size as you get more comfortable.
5. Toy with it.
A small vibrating butt plug, like our Novice Plug is a great option because it’s about the size of a finger and is a good transition from fingers to toys. If you’re already past one or two fingers and want something slightly larger, try our Trio Plug, which is medium-size, flexible plug that offers incredibly powerful vibration.
The amazing thing about vibration is that it’s not only a pleasurable sensation, but it also relaxes muscles. And that’s exactly what you want to be doing. The added benefit of the Novice Plug and Trio Plug is the remote control, which allows a person to easily be in control of their experience. Or- if you so choose- hand the remote to another person. This adds fun to couple’s play and can be a sensual power dynamic in the bedroom. Another fantastic option is our tapered anal beads, called Triplet. Triplet is great recommendation for beginners because the progressively larger, tapered size beads allow beginners to start slow, with the just smallest bead, and then gradually work towards the medium and larger bead.
6. Ready to dive in?
After you’ve experimented with your fingers, played with an appropriately sized butt plug or anal beads, and found that you enjoy the experience – then move to anal penetration with a penis or dildo (if that is your intended goal).
7. Remember, it’s not a race!
These steps can happen over the course of a few hours, days, weeks, or more. When it comes to first time anal sex, do what works and feels best for your body. A positive experience in the beginning, enables positive – and pleasurable- experiences long term.
The key to avoiding pain during anal is applying lots of lube and paying attention. Meaning that if you’re forcing your body (or your partner’s body) to do something that doesn’t feel good, it will be painful.
There are a few different reasons why anal sex might not feel good. One of the most common ones is a stingy or friction sensation. That’s because there isn’t enough lubricant, so you’ll want to add more, and more, and maybe a little more. Don’t tolerate or endure discomfort because all that does it make your body tighten up. This is especially important if there’s a lot of “in and out” motion.
If you added lubricant and that isn’t working, it’s possible that your muscles aren’t warmed up yet. Back off and go with something smaller, like one less finger or a smaller toy. Don’t force it. Even if that means that you don’t get to do everything you want to do this time, it’ll pay off next time because you’re not training your body to expect pain.
While it might seem like a good idea to use a numbing cream to reduce the discomfort from anal sex, it can actually increase the odds of hurting yourself. Most products use benzocaine, which is similar to Novocain. You want to feel what is happening in your body, both good and bad.
Not at all, it’s highly unlikely for you (or your partner) to poop during anal sex. However, you may find that poop is transferred to fingers, a sex toy, or penis, if you haven’t taken any steps to rinse out the anal canal.
At a minimum, to prevent any poop appearances, we always suggest a bowel movement and shower at least an hour before your anal adventure.
If you want more insurance that your play time will be clean, enema bulbs are often the easiest way to do this. You can try a reusable one, or you can use a disposable enema (available at any drug store). If you use a disposable one, pour out the laxative solution, rinse the bottle out, and fill with warm water. Lubricate and insert the nozzle. You can do this on your elbows and knees or while lying on your side. Insert the nozzle, open the valve or squeeze the bulb.
Hold the water for 10-15 seconds and release it into the toilet. You can repeat this a few times if you like. Repeat and then release all the water at once.
If you are in a partnered relationship, where you have no concern that there may be the possibility of getting an STI or HIV, it is safe to ejaculate inside the anal canal.
A condom does protect the giver from the possibility of UTI’s, as (although it is rare) bits of fecal matter may become trapped in the urethra of a penis and cause a urinary tract infection. UTIs may not be dangerous, but they can be rather unpleasant and annoying.
Additionally, if the person with whom you’re having anal sex is a stranger or someone who you’ve known for a short period of time, always play it safe and wear a condom. Safer sex is better sex. The Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has noted that anal sex is the riskiest sexual behavior for getting and transmitting HIV for men and women. Specifically, receptive anal sex is 13 times riskier than insertive anal sex for acquiring HIV infection. Use condoms consistently to reduce the risk of acquiring HIV.
Nope. The anal canal is part of the digestive tract so there is no possibility of pregnancy.
As with anything new to the body, take it slow. Do what feels good to your body and don’t do what does not feel good. A good reason you to engaging in anal play is that you truly want to explore your sexuality and you are consenting to this new way of play. Pleasure is your birthright after all and there are many options on how you can explore yourself as a strong, sexually empowered woman.