What is bottoming? How do I get started? b-Vibe's newly appointed ambassador, Zachary Zane, gives the complete lowdown on this act of anal play!
Writer's note: Throughout this article, we will be referring to the genitals of someone assigned male at birth as a penis and using masculine pronouns, but these tips will work on a wide range of folx regardless of their gender identity or what they call their privates.
The b-Vibe Blog has really got you covered when it comes to any and all questions you have about anal sex. Not sure how to prepare (i.e. "clean out") before anal? Head over to anal hygiene. How to choose the right lube? Look no further than lube 101. How to have an earth-shattering p-spot orgasm? Boom, prostate play!
As the new brand ambassador for b-Vibe, I was thinking what else can I add? That's when I realized I could speak to professional adult performers about some more advanced tips for bottoming, delving past the basics.
But before I get there, you might wonder...
When it comes to anal sex in queer culture, a "bottom" refers to the anal receptive partner (the person who's being penetrated). A top refers to the anal insertive partner (the person who's penetrating). Bottoming refers to the act of being penetrated and topping refers to the act of penetrating.
But the terms don't only pertain to queer culture. A straight man can bottom for a straight woman with a strap-on (what's commonly referred to as pegging). There's nothing inherently "gay" about bottoming.
Among the BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism) community, a bottom doesn't have to do with anal sex. It simply refers to the submissive partner in sexual play (the person being flogged, tied, humiliated, made to serve, etc.) The top is the dominant partner who's doing the flogging, tying, etc.
But for today, we're talking about bottoming in the terms of anal sex. Specifically, we're discussing how to become a pro bottom. I asked five different adult performers, all of whom have plenty of experience bottoming, for insider tips. Some of the tips they gave are great for beginners, and others are ideal for intermediate bottoms who want to reach porn star status.
That said, the list starts with more basic bottoming tips, and each tip gets progressively more advanced.
You crawl before you walk and you walk before you run. The same principle applies to bottoming. Lydia Black, a professional porn and BDSM model, recommends using anal training kits.
However, she doesn't recommend using butt plugs where the diameter of the base is sizably different from the head. "It will do nothing for training unless you sit there, taking them in and out for hours." You want a butt plug that you can insert inside of you and let sit, Lydia explains. b-Vibe's anal training kit does just that!
There is no such thing as too much lube, explains the OnlyFans model who goes by the moniker DamagedBttm. For anal sex, it's often better to use a silicone-based lube because it's more viscous and less likely to dry out. (Ideally, you want to reapply lube as few times as possible during sex.)
"Make sure the top covers their penis or dildo in lube and you insert lube into your behind with a finger before you try bottoming," DamagedBttm adds. Note, however, that when you're using b-Vibe's toys, you want to use a water-based lube. Using a silicone-based lube will degrade the toy's material.
Being aroused will actually allow your body to naturally loosen up, explains longtime adult film performer Lance Hart, who's actually the director and owner of ManUpFilms.com and SweetFemdom.com.
"Think slutty thoughts," he suggests. That's why, personally, I start with a lot of foreplay before I bottom — kissing, heavy petty, the works. When I'm having fun with toys alone, I always watch porn for a few minutes before even attempting to insert anything in my behind. I need to be really aroused otherwise, I don't loosen up.
There's no "perfect" starting position when it comes to bottoming. Some folks prefer to start in doggy, others prefer missionary. Nick Alvarez, a booty Instagrammer and Just For Fans Exclusive Model, recommends that beginners start "on top" in a cowgirl position.
"Starting in this position will allow you to control the speed and depth of penetration," he says. Sometimes, tops can get a little too excited and shove it fully when you're not quite ready. It can be very painful, trust me. When you start in a cowgirl position, you're the one in control. Take your time as you ride your partner. Let the anticipation build. The longer you wait, the crazier you'll drive your partner.
Breathing is key to being an incredible bottom, explains DamagedBttm. There are typically two types of breathing — chest breaths and belly breaths (also called diaphragmatic breathing). You want to take deep belly breaths, which uses your full lung capacity. These deep breaths can help relax your body, allowing you to "take" more penis or dildo, DamagedBttm explains. To make sure you're belly breathing correctly, put one hand on your stomach and the other on your chest. While you breathe, only your stomach should move (outward, not upward). Your chest shouldn't move at all!
Again, this is one of those things where you have to see if it works for you, but something I do, as well as adult film star Skyy Knox, is "push out" when you're receiving their penis or dildo. Pushing out is the opposite of clenching. "When I push out, I open more, and the D just slides right in," Knox says. This tip is definitely for anal sex pros, as many beginners prefer relaxing and neither pushing out nor clenching when they start bottoming.
If you really want to give your partner an incredible sensation, squeeze (or clench) while they're inside of you. "You can even pulse your squeezes, too," says Knox. "It drives my tops wild." Squeezing adds pressure around your partner's penis or dildo, "tightening" momentarily. When a bottom does this for me when I top, I orgasm almost instantly. It feels that good.