Alexander Cheves answers your questions on fisting, over-douching, and how to safely use a dildo
#Ass Me Anything

Ass Me Anything: Fisting, Over-Douching, and How to Safely Use a Dildo

Last Updated: Jan 13, 2022 / By Alexander Cheves

Welcome back to Ass Me Anything. I'm Alexander Cheves, sex writer and noted butt pig, here to answer your ass questions. b-Vibe has collected more queries from customers and followers, and since these answers are a bit longer than our inaugural post, I won't waste any time and get right to it.

Q: Ever since I bought my partner a harness, we've been having amazing receptive anal sex. As a trans woman, this kind of penetration is something I've never experienced before, and it's really amazing. I was wondering if receptive anal sex and/or water-based lube can affect one's bowel movements? Before buying the harness, I was having 2-5 painless, sometimes uncomfortable, bowel movements a day. After a particularly intense butt sex experience on Monday, I've now been having painful diarrhea for a few days. I've also been changing my diet to try and lose weight, so that may be part of it. But if there are certain kinds of lube ingredients I should be avoiding, or other practices so I can still have this amazing receptive sex, please let me know! We haven't had any blood or fecal matter come up during sex. - ButtPrincess

Hi ButtPrincesss, so, many things could be happening right here. You might be cleaning too deeply and getting water trapped in your bowels, which can give you diarrhea. You could have a rectal STI — most cause diarrhea. I don't know your new diet and can't take a stool culture or blood test, so you should talk to your doctor.

If there's no blood in your bowel movements (henceforth referred to as BMs), you likely don't have a tear or perforation, so this sounds like irritation caused by sex or douching, or a bowel issue unrelated to sex. I'd test different lubes in your hole with a finger to see if any create a burning sensation — avoid lubes labeled "warming" — and when douching, don't clean too deep.

Most folks over-douche. Unless you're doing heavy depth play (with toys, arms, or a preternaturally massive cock), you only need to clean the first chamber inside your butt. Empty a small douche bulb in you, hold the water in for as long as possible to get the rectum and sigmoid to say to the brain, "Hey, there's something in there and I'm going to push it out!" then purge. If you're using a shower shot, hold the nozzle (on a gentle water speed) in your butt for no more than 10 seconds, hold the water in as described, then release. After doing this a few times (I average five times) the water should run clear. There's no need to clean heavier or deeper for regular anal sex, and doing so can actually irritate and harm your gut.

Q: Can anal fisting once or twice a week cause long-term issues? Also, if you get to the point where fisting is not a huge issue, is that a bad sign? Thanks! - bungholio

Hey bungholio, great questions. Most fisters want to reach the point where fisting is "not a huge issue," by which you mean taking a hand is no longer difficult. That's what we train for. Most fisters — I am one — recommend weekly fisting to steadily improve skill. The only long-term result you should get from this is greater pleasure in fisting. You will not become incontinent, injured, or "too loose" unless you're fisting unsafely. As discussed in our last #AMA post, loose holes are mostly myths.

how to get started with anal fisting

Unsafe fisting involves not using adequate lube, not using enough lube, going too fast, playing too rough, and getting fisted by someone who doesn't listen to you or respect your limits. The riskiest way to fist is with mild-altering substances that override your body's natural limits and pain receptors — every injury I've heard of among my fisting friends involved drugs that made someone go way too rough.

Play with safe, skilled partners. Start slow and gently every time. Use lots of lube — there's no such thing as too much lube in fisting. Practice with toys between sessions to grow accustomed to the stretch. Do all this and you should have a long and happy fisting life — and your butt will be totally normal between fisting sessions and work like any other butt. Remember: the ass is elastic. It closes back up tight, even after fisting.

Q: I can insert a different size dildo in my ass without pain and with full of joy but when I start moving this dildo in and out I feel too much pain and temperature inside - Why

Hi Why, this sounds, to me, like irritation caused by your dildo or lube. You mention "temperature," which I read as "irritation, burning." It sounds like the toy is not an issue — something's happening after you get it in and start creating friction.

Many dildos are not hypoallergenic. I feel burning in my butt when I use toys made of TPR (thermoplastic elastomer) or TPE (thermoplastic rubber), which are what most cheap dildos in sex shops are made of — the hard, plasticky ones on the wall of your local porn emporium are made of these. I believe TPR and TPE toys are not adequate for ass play, as most are too hard, and these materials are notorious for irritating sensitive butts like mine and many others.

Test different dildos to see what materials your butt responds to. You should have no reaction to hypoallergenic materials like glass and stainless steel sex toys (which are amazing for temperature play, too). If you're no longer at starter-size toys, glass and steel toys are not realistic (a stainless steel dildo large enough for me now would weigh 100 lbs!). At this stage, I recommend using dildos made of premium soft silicone — b-Vibe has those, too.

Lube is less likely the culprit, but avoid lubes labeled "warming." I recommend using thick, creamy, oil-based lube or — if your toy requires water-based only — using lubes mixed from powder, like J-Lube and its variants (K-Lube, X-Lube, Fist Powder, and so on). These are powders you mix with water to create a slippery goo — so slippery that you should be careful if any gets on the floor of a bathroom or tub. You can vary their viscosity (thickness and runniness) by adding more/less water, and these lubes are totally toy-safe.




Just in case you're still searching for answers, below are some helpful guides to our most frequently asked questions!

1. What on earth is analingus?!

2. What's the difference between anal massage and anal fingering 

3. What are anal fissures?

4. Help! I want to learn how to prepare for anal sex. Where should I begin?

5. What is the best position for anal sex?

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