Welcome back to #AssMeAnything. I am Alexander Cheves, a sex writer, butt demon, and author of the new book My Love Is a Beast: Confessions — a graphic sex memoir about my journey into happy sluthood. This is a safe space to ask questions on all things anal. Keep reading for my advice on shaving, anal sex aftercare, and more.
See the other #AssMeAnything posts on b-Vibe's site, Tallman. Short answer: you need practice (AKA anal training). Bottoming is difficult, and like all difficult activities, practice is necessary to improve. Commit to it with the understanding that you might practice for years before you love anal. Luckily, there are many skilled bottoms in the world — befriend them and talk to them.
You likely have not learned how to relax and anal muscles to enjoy penetration. So when you're taking a dildo or dick, you're clenching, perhaps without even realizing it. Some sensitive tissue with very strong muscles and many nerve endings (your butt) is vice-gripping a foreign object. Not comfortable! Practice — along with good lube, gentle toy play (solo anal masturbation or with others), and patience — will gradually make this tissue relax and love the feeling.
Dev, every body is different — there is no standard body reaction to anal sex. Some folks insert a Preparation H suppository in their butts after every anal session because they are prone to swelling and hemorrhoids (I recommend this — I do this because they seem to help my butt "calm down" after a good fucking). Some folks poop soon after, others can't poop for hours. I sometimes get crampy and gassy, and my first poop after rough sex can be intense.
Your body is unique, so you must learn to care for it on a case-by-case basis. Not every session will have the same effects. Certain types of sex are more likely to cause butt effects than others (rough sex, doggy style, anal fisting). Anal sex can temporarily affect your regularity and post-sex poops — it can build up gas in your bowels, which will eventually come out (be patient and lie down vertically on your stomach for a bit). Rough sex can cause swelling and irritated tissue that needs to relax before you poop — take an over-the-counter stool softener and drink lots of water to avoid constipation.
You might experience occasional watery poops or diarrhea after sex. You're probably putting too much water inside you when you douche, and that water is affecting your post-sex poop, in which case you should simply use less water — you need less than you think. But if diarrhea happens every time you bottom, talk to a GI doctor, proctologist, or both. With repeated diarrhea, a good doctor's word is always encouraged.
Temporary butt effects after sex can be expected. I've learned to like them. For me, they are the experience of having a used butt — signs of having been beautifully fucked.
I assume you mean butt hair. There is no "best" way. Hairy butts have a harder time going smooth, so "best" is relative. Here are your options:
The anus is a sensitive area, so use shaving cream or gel. I recommend using a mirror that you can move (a cheap door-hanging mirror works best for me). Shave the area slowly and carefully using small strokes. I squat over the mirror with a bowl of water and some shaving gel and shave from the inside, near my hole, outward. I much prefer a playmate to shave my butt for me, and this can be very fun foreplay.
Waxing removes hair from root to tip and allows you to be hairless longer. There are home waxing kits you do yourself, but I suggest going to a waxing parlor and hiring a professional. I always prefer professionals with grooming stuff (I never paint my own nails or shape my beard). Waxing can be painful and can sometimes result in bleeding. Whether you wax at home or pay a pro, shower beforehand in warm water for at least five minutes. After it's done, use a gentle lotion on the area.
Creams — or "depilatories" break down the protein bonds in your hair, causing it to dissolve. Like all these options, depilatories can cause irritation. Choose a sensitive cream for delicate skin and do a patch test on another area of skin before applying it to the butt area.
My favorite method — no shaving cream needed. Trimming doesn't make your butt completely hairless, and this is not the best option for very hairy butts as it could result in a lot of uncomfortable butt stubble. I recommend using an electric trimmer with adjustable lengths (or several different length guards).
Never want butt hair again? Seek out professional services from a certified dermatologist for permanent hair removal treatments like electrolysis or laser removal. Although laser removal is not permanent, it does significantly reduce hair growth. Both these options can require several sessions to complete, and the sessions are not reported to be especially pleasant — and maintenance sessions can be needed to keep the hair from growing back. I think these are overkill unless you want a totally hairless hole forever and ever.